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RYAN999
TMK Kid Thunder
Joined: 31 May 2005
Posts: 85
TMK Koins: 50
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Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 3:49 pm
Post subject: lone cyborg |
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the lone cyborg
smoke alone in outworld wondering what to do with his life.his masters dead so eventually free but no money no place and stuck in a robotic form.he sat down and thought his only talent is killing or fighting.he immeadietly.thought of a job that pays well and is good at.bounty hunter.he has the skills and the equipment so why not.his first job was to assasinate kano of the black dragon.he knew it would be tough but he cold do it.he found that there is an abandoned underground theater .thats where they are.the security was high.he went invisible and smashed theirs heads together and dumped their bodies in a cave.he stayed invisible jumped over the gate.kano was heavily guarded.it is 3 story building.kano is in a room on the 2nd floor.smoke got to kanos room .then kicked the door open and fired a missile striaght at kanos skull the building shook.smoke knew that he was in trouble.he took kanos knife and pulled out kanos laser eye just for proof.then he ran undecteded until he ran into a thug smoke suddenly he stabbed the thug in the neck.the thug screamed.and in a whisker he was surrounded.so he prepared for kombat.one lunged at him but smoke give him a roundhouse kick .so the attacker went flying into a another member .he whispered to himself 2 down 8 to go.smoke threw a bomb at them .that blew 2 to history.he uppercutted another and blocked a few quick hooks and followed up with a series of kicks.that whiped 3 more off the face of the earthrealm.the final one ran.smoke ecaped.smoke went back to the assigner.his reward was 10 thousand koins.after that he learned of a expert in nanotechnology.smoke tracked him down.the expert expected 10 thousand but smoke used a persuasive technique and got it for free.smoke back to his old self.smoke tasted a breath of fresh air .he said to himself "damn that feels good".smoke went on to become an allie of rain.rain and him went on doing jobs together.their nicknane was "double destruction".
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akujin_reload
TMK Kid Thunder
Joined: 21 Jul 2005
Posts: 57
Location: In the cloudy town of Hellview, Population ME.
TMK Koins: 10
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Posted: Fri Aug 05, 2005 9:14 pm
Post subject: |
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I started reading this and I just had to stop, the words seem to be jumbled, the punctuation and grammar is dreadful. You got no use of capitals after full stops and basically it don't make much sense with the way you have layed it out.
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RYAN999
TMK Kid Thunder
Joined: 31 May 2005
Posts: 85
TMK Koins: 50
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Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 8:54 pm
Post subject: |
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shut it prick
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akujin_reload
TMK Kid Thunder
Joined: 21 Jul 2005
Posts: 57
Location: In the cloudy town of Hellview, Population ME.
TMK Koins: 10
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Posted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 11:02 pm
Post subject: |
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Well thats just a charming way to react. If your not going to use proper english you might as well not use it at all you piece of shit. Instead of taking some criticism (ok it wasn't positive) you just decide to post something that shows just how much of a numb nut you really are arse hole.
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Noob Saibot5
The Edenian Rain
Joined: 12 Apr 2005
Posts: 1220
Location: You'll find me nowhere, but always near
TMK Koins: 59878007
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Posted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 11:07 pm
Post subject: |
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Have to agree with Akujin on that one. It hurts your eyes trying to make sense of it. And your reaction to criticism makes you look very immature by the way so eat this! -> 
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akujin_reload
TMK Kid Thunder
Joined: 21 Jul 2005
Posts: 57
Location: In the cloudy town of Hellview, Population ME.
TMK Koins: 10
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Posted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 11:15 pm
Post subject: |
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Thank you Noob at least there is one other guy with a shred of decentsy on this topic.
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Amon
TMK Visitor
Joined: 08 May 2005
Posts: 26
Location: Everywhere and nowhere
TMK Koins: 155
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Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 4:14 pm
Post subject: |
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I'm gonna have to agree with them two. No offence.
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zero
RoS partner in TMK
Joined: 19 Apr 2004
Posts: 1065
Location: U.S.A
TMK Koins: 2146483672
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Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 4:28 pm
Post subject: |
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I agree with them to. If you want someone to read it you need to have grammer in it or it barely makes any sense.
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mortalfool
Anime Freak
Joined: 06 May 2005
Posts: 459
Location: In Edenia Chilling With Kitana and Jade XD
TMK Koins: 10
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Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 12:07 am
Post subject: |
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what the other four guys said i don't understand it that much
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Amon
TMK Visitor
Joined: 08 May 2005
Posts: 26
Location: Everywhere and nowhere
TMK Koins: 155
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Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 11:49 am
Post subject: |
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In other words mortalfool, it doesn't make practically any sense and he's forgotton to do the most basic things such as captital letters and stuff. In a nut shell: It's crap.
No offence to the author.
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shujinko unleashed
TMK Kid Thunder
Joined: 20 Jul 2005
Posts: 51
TMK Koins: 5
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Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 7:03 pm
Post subject: |
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i'm sorry mate but i have to agree wiv everyone. Its got potential but needs a little more than key stage one level english. I'm welsh and understand english better than thou but don't take it as a blam take it as constructive critisism.
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Only I can defeat this threat born of deception
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DragonGod
God of all Dragons
Joined: 19 Jun 2005
Posts: 39
Location: Dragon God's Castle giving orders to Ridley
TMK Koins: 15
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Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2005 5:17 pm
Post subject: |
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Have to agree with everyone else.Fix up the grammar and spelling.
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